Settin’ My Cap

This is a series I wrote a few years ago, before my husband and I got married.  It was some of the points God began showing me as I was starting a new journey and preparing for the Godly man He had planned for my life.  I hope this series helps someone who is looking for THAT man.  Remember, you do not have to compromise what God instructs.

This is Part 1:

Settin’ My Cap

I am beginning a series on what the Bible says a Christian man should be.  I know this can be an unpleasant topic for some, but I have a reason this is very important to me at this stage in my life.

I have been married twice.  In both marriages, I have been in control.  I have lead in most areas of life: spiritually, financially, intellectually, and emotionally.  I won’t get into the details of why the marriages ended, but I will say in the first marriage we both had very liberal beliefs.  As I read God’s Word and grew, I became more conservative in my beliefs and they began lining up with what the Word said.  In the meantime, my first marriage ended.  In my second marriage, I was very conservative (and became more and more so) and he was not. As a matter of fact, I grew to the point he could no longer live with my beliefs, he told me the only fault he could find was I loved God more than him and he couldn’t compete with God.  He didn’t understand it wasn’t about competing with God, but living FOR God. About 5 years prior to his leaving, I began teaching a Women’s Bible study on the topic of what a Godly Husband would look like. I had started praying God would make my husband a Godly man.  In the time after starting to pray, I saw some changes in him.  He became involved in church, he would ask questions, he even suggested we host a Bible home group.  Then he left.  I decide I would keep praying for a Godly husband.  I also decided God had the man I had been praying for and the only way for me to find him was to NOT compromise what HE taught.  In today’s culture and society, I knew it would not be easy and it would have to be ALL GOD.

In this journey, I have studied and found some characteristics a Godly man MUST have before he can be the man God has for me.  These may not be the same characteristics important to you, but for my search, these are qualities commanded by God’s Word.  In the next few sessions of this blog I will share those.

First of all, I want to say I believe dating should only be used for finding the mate God has planned for you. I believe 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

I believe it to be true for every area of our lives.

▪               Do you believe the same things spiritually and do those beliefs line-up with God’s Word?

▪               Do you have the same goals in discipleship and evangelism (they may not be the exact same calling, but do they line up with God’s Word and work in harmony with each other to benefit God’s Kingdom?

▪               Do you have the same financial goals?

▪               Do you agree on the roles of husbands/wives within the relationship? (who is to be the leader, housekeeping, cooking, working)

▪               Do you have the same beliefs about children? (education, discipline, recreational activities, etc)

▪               Do you share the same idea of what is acceptable for recreation? (views of TV, dress, movies, books, songs/music, etc).

▪               Do you have the same ideas about how your future will look?

▪               Do you KNOW what your expectations will be in this relationship?

▪               Do your moral expectations coincide?

Dating should be used to discover if the man you have met is the ONE God has intended for you. Discuss these issues.  Follow God’s word and do not compromise.   .  I also think it is very important I find someone that can focus on who I am as a Christian woman and I should be able to focus on who he is as a Christian man. I have made a vow, after my last marriage, of abstinence until I am married to that man. I believe that I am a Princess and my Father is THE KING.  I am worth the wait!  I have not used this rule in my previous marriages and well, we see where they ended.

As I address some of the characteristics I feel a Godly man must have, I want to stress that his expectation for me will be that I have the same characteristics and be able to point out to me any area in which I am falling short.

Some of the characteristics I will be addressing in future blogs will be:

▪               He MUST be a Christian.  Not just in word, but in his life, in his beliefs, in his actions.  Does he have a desire to be “Like Christ”?  Does he strive to live a righteous and holy life?   (Why should both be Christians? John8:42-44; Eph 2:1-2, 5:8; 1Cor 7:39; John 11:26)

▪               He must be obedient to God and expect me to be obedient and hold me to that standard.  (John 14:15; Romans 6:16; James 1:22)

▪               He must follow the calling God has for his life  (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:27-31; Psalm 25:12; 1 Peter 2:9; Ephesians 2:10)

▪               He must serve God. (Romans 12:6-21)

▪               He must be honest, trustworthy, faithful, forgiving. (Hebrews 6:18; Luke 16:10; 1 Timothy 1:19; Exodus 20:16)

▪               He needs to be a man who wants to “grow God’s kingdom”, share God where ever he goes, be not ashamed of his life in Christ, be proud to take a bold stand for Christ, and encourage me to do the same. (Acts 26:20; Acts 1:8; Matthew 28:19-20)

▪               He must KNOW God’s Word and be willing to LEAD me and our family to a better understanding of that Word, and model and guide our family to living out God’s Love practically. (2 Timothy 2:15; 2 Timothy 3:14-17; Psalm 119:11-16; 1 Peter 5:2-4; Ephesians 5:22-24; Hebrews 13:17; 1 Peter 3:7)

▪               He must communicate with God. ( Philippians 4:6-9; Luke 11:1; 1 Thessalonians 5:17)

▪               He must believe the Bible is inerrant and infallible and use it as his guide for life and for advising others.  (Psalm 119:105; 2 Timothy 3:14-17; Titus 1:2; John 17:17; Luke 1:37; Psalm 23:3; Psalm 73:24; Proverbs 19:23; Proverbs 48:17)

Some of my friends tell me I am wasting my time looking for these things in a man, that I am too particular.  I don’t agree.  This is what my Father has said I must find before a man can share my life.  My Creator Father has created me to be who I am and I have enough faith to believe HE has created THIS MAN.

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